Intelligence of Heart
by Alastair
Summary: Luffy teaches Nami and Robin about the birds and the bees.


**Intelligence of Heart**

Nami had an evil thought. It was severely outrageous and wicked, and, as much as she might have tried, she was unable to rid herself of said notion. Physics – should they have had any kind of effect on the idea – would have been laughing in her face. She almost wanted to laugh with them.

Because it was an evil, wicked, and dastardly naughty thought in her head.

She glanced up at Robin, still slightly red in the face, and wondering if the older woman could read her mind as much as she seemed able to. Robin glanced up at Nami then, and smiled questioningly.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she said slowly to better formulate the idea to the woman, "Robin, do you think it's possible for someone to get smarter … if …" There she stopped, and bit her lip hard, wondering what had come over her.

"Hmm? If what, Miss Navigator?"

"I mean … Let's say … the more that person wears, the less intelligent they are."

"Ah," Robin smiled, resting her chin in her palm. "You want to know if someone might become smarter if they were wearing nothing."

She scratched her forehead, and laughed, "Ah, yeah, something like that. It's a silly idea, isn't it? It doesn't even make any sense."

"On the contrary, it's a fascinating idea," she said. "I know that people are usually less inclined to make intelligent decisions when they are wearing little. It's not such a farfetched idea that the opposite is also true."

The door opened, and Luffy came down in a towel.

Robin and Nami gaped at him when he smiled, and held out a tattered pair of pants to the navigator. He said, "Hey, Usopp tore my pants up just now. Can you fix 'em?"

She blinked up at him, then at his pants, and then glanced at the towel he had wrapped around his waist so securely that he wasn't even using his hands to hold it up. Another wicked thought entered her mind, but she pushed it all down. Though she was certainly curious about what he might do should she yank off the towel.

Nami took the pants, but set it on her desk, and said, "Please tell me that you're going to change into some other pants." When he didn't answer to that, she said, "Well?"

While he was scratching the back of his neck, her eyes jumped down to his chest straining slightly before going back to his eyes. He said, "I can't tell you if I'm not going to do it, right?"

Chuckling gently, Robin watched the other woman turn all sorts of colors before she shook her head hard, and settled on red, "Luffy … why are you going to stay naked? You have all kinds of pants to wear."

"Those are my only clean pair right now though, and I can't go out there to do my laundry or else they're all going to pull off my towel."

If Nami had been a good, decent, little girl, she might have fainted. She – rather calmly despite her turmoil – said, "Fine. Go sit on the bed, and wait … _quietly_."

He sulked severely, pursing his lips at her before he shrugged, and plopped onto her bed, lying face-up toward the ceiling. Her eyes narrowed at him, and then she regarded the pair of jean shorts that had a lengthy split up the side pant leg. After a good moment of inspecting it, she searched for her sewing kit to begin the procedure.

Moments into sewing, Luffy rose from off the bed to go toward the couch where Robin was, and he sat beside her to peer over her shoulder and into her book. She smiled warmly at him, and he blinked at her face before he glanced down at the book curiously. Giggling softly, she opened the book a bit wider, angling it so that he could see more of the inside, and he tilted his head, staring.

"That's a big book."

Smiling in amusement, Robin said, "Mmhm. Don't you read sometimes, Captain?"

"Not really," he said, and he sat straighter, still looking into the book until his eyes bulged. A choked sound escaped through his clenched teeth, and he pointed at it and then Robin – back and forth like this for a few moments before he said, "That's a dirty book!"

Nami looked up only to see the romance novel that Robin had been reading. She smiled tightly, her eyebrow twitching, "It's not dirty, Luffy."

"There're people fucking in it though."

She stiffened, her eyes wide while she gaped at him, and then she frowned, "Don't call it that."

Robin smiled a bit wider when he stuck his tongue out at her, and she said, "So you do know the basics, Captain."

He gave her a strange look, and then glanced at Nami with the same expression, "Don't you guys know?" Robin smiled brighter, giggling behind her hand while his head whipped back and forth between them. He said, "I can tell you if you want."

"Hmhm. Please do, Captain."

Nami's teeth ground together, "Yes, _Captain_, do tell."

Scratching his cheek, his eyes went blank for all of a few moments before he rose to grab paper from Nami's desk, and then he took her pen. He scribbled something on the paper, and then lifted it up as if it were some kind of presentation. Nami stared incomprehensibly until she made sense of the image.

Luffy had drawn what looked like hips with something dangling between its legs. She blanched, and raised her fist, trembling and ready to strike.

He said proudly, "This is a cock."

"Don't call it that!"

"That's what it is though."

Robin kept smiling, and said, "I see now. What does it do, Captain?"

Luffy put the paper down to draw again. What he revealed was a huge erect penis on what looked like the same size hips. Though she honestly didn't want to look, Nami briefly compared the sizes, seeing that the hips looked about the same size, but there was a major difference of the two other objects on the paper.

She quirked a brow at him, and said, "That's _some_ wishful thinking there, Luffy."

"Huh?"

Giggling again, Robin said as she picked up her coffee cup, "I think she means the sizes, Captain."

Blinking owlishly at the two, he then turned the paper around to look at his drawings, and tilted his head. He scratched under his hat, and said, "No, that looks right to me."

It dawned on her then just what he was implying, and her cheeks burst aflame with hot red mortification. Looking at Robin, she noted that both of her eyebrows had lifted up, making her blue eyes look wider than usual. While the two women shared a brief astonished glance, Luffy drew something else.

This time, the drawing had bulbous hips with a crude reconstruction of the female organs, consisting of circles for the organs and lines for the way in and the tubes.

He seemed a bit more confused at this part, "There's something about blood and hard-boiled eggs or something here, but I don't get it."

Nami almost hid her face in shame, _Hard-boiled? Who taught him this?_

"What are those for, Captain?" Robin said, clearly enjoying this.

_And why is she encouraging him!?_

He brightened, "This is where babies grow! The cock goes up this" – he pointed at the line representing the vagina – "and that's sex. That's what they're doing in the dirty book."

"It's not dirty!"

Drawing something again, he showed a tiny stick figure with a huge smiling head inside of the circle-vagina, "Sex is how you make babies!"

Nami sighed heavily to force herself to relax, and she said, "What about other times?"

"What do you mean?" He said.

"When they're not making babies, what else is sex for?"

"Fucking."

Smacking him, Nami shouted, "Stop calling it that! It's sick, Luffy!"

He blinked, and held his cheek, saying, "What do you call it?"

"How about …" she paused a moment, and she ran through a list of other names for the act before settling on the most docile of the bunch, "making love?"

"No, that's when you make babies," he said.

"Huh?"

Luffy smiled then – wide and so innocent that she forgot the disgustingly embarrassing things he had just uttered. He said, "Nami, a baby _is_ love, right?"

**THE END**


End file.
